Winner Takes it All

I don't wanna talk about things we've gone through,
Though it's hurting me, now it's history.
I've played all my cards and that's what you've done too,
Nothing more to say, no more ace to play.
The winner takes it all,
The loser standing small beside the victory, that's her destiny.

I was in your arms thinking I belonged there,
I figured it made sense, building me a fence,
Building me a home, thinking I'd be strong there,
But I was a fool, playing by the rules.
The gods may throw a dice, their minds as cold as ice,
And someone way down here loses someone dear.

The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall,
It's simple and it's plain, why should I complain.

But tell me, does she kiss like I used to kiss you,
Does it feel the same when she calls your name.
Somewhere deep inside you must know I miss you,
But what can I say, rules must be obeyed.
The judges will decide the likes of me abide,
Spectators of the show always staying low.

The game is on again, a lover or a friend,
A big thing or a small, the winner takes it all.

I don't wanna talk if it makes you feel sad,
And I understand you've come to shake my hand.
I apologize if it makes you feel bad seeing me so tense, no self confidence.

This song is originally sung by ABBA, also sung by millions of others after it became even more famous for the musical Mamma Mia. I watched both the movie Mamma Mia and the Korean version of the musical Mamma Mia and I felt a shudder somewhere in the middle of both of the works. I do not know why, but I did feel the feeling what the experts call "feel the shudder." 

Recently, while I was tearing my own hair out while writing my cover letter and peer letter, I was at the same time listening to random music in my iTunes. I was hearing, not exactly "listening" to the music, but one song suddenly grabbed my mind. It was this song, "Winner Takes it All." Nowadays I'm feeling depressed that the universities only choose the "winners," the ones who have already "won" in various contests and competitions. They say that they value potential and other factors, but what they actually value is how successful you already are. This concept is not restricted within the university world. This "winner-takes-it-all" principle is valid in any institutions or jobs. Thus, I figure that this principle is something that I should follow, although many criticize on this. 

I can't do anything about it, can I?

< The Student > Reading Journal

< The Student > Reading Journal

Fate is pre-determined.

I'm not a person of religion; in fact, I have not believed, do not believe, and will not believe in anything unproven by scientific community, such as fate, fortunetelling, ghosts, gods, which is probably why it was extremely difficult for me to fully understand this short story. Only after reading it nearly 5 times did I finally came to make sense of the story.

Obviously, this short story is highly religious in that the majority of the story deals with Jesus and Peter from the bible. Within this religious story is a valuable moral lesson especially for faithful Catholics, "Fate is predetermined."

"The Student" kept emphasizes that people's destiny is established beforehand and that what humans do have nothing to do with the influence on the fate, the idea that is fully explained by the story of Jesus and Peter. According to the student, at the Last Supper, Peter said to Jesus, "I am ready to go with Thee into darkness and unto death," telling him his true feelings and strong resolution of his own towards Jesus. However, Jesus replied to him, "I say unto thee, Peter, before the cock croweth thou wilt have denied Me thrice." Later, as Jesus had predicted, when Peter saw Jesus being beaten, he denied his knowing Jesus for three times. After he denied for three times, Peter wept "bitterly – bitterly." This situation demonstrates that feeling and actions of humans do not have ability to change the predetermined fate, just as Peter was not able to free himself from the Jesus's prophecy despite his passionate love towards Him.

Vasilisa, surprisingly, suddenly erupts into cry, giving "a gulp, big tears" flowing down her cheeks and is obviously ashamed of her tears. Her reason for this reaction is probably the realization of the moral lesson that the story of Peter and Jesus had given her: people cannot alter their own destiny. Vasilisa was grieved and remorseful that she could not do anything about her daughter abused by her husband, and when she hears the story of Jesus and Peter from the student, Vasilisa becomes aware that her efforts cannot make the situation any better. Thus, she cries and at the same time, is ashamed of her own inability.

This story also draws attention to the fact that the history goes through the same cycle of events in a repeated manner; that is, similar incidents happen with certain intervals. In the very first part of the story, Ivan thinks that "just such a wind had blown in the days of Rurik and in the time of Ivan the Terrible and Peter, and in their time there had been just the same desperate poverty and hunger, the same thatched roofs with holes in them, ignorance, misery, the same desolation around, the same darkness, the same feeling of oppression -- all these had existed, did exist, and would exist, and the lapse of a thousand years would make life no better," the statement that explains how past events can relate to the future events. Later, when Vasilisa and the student meets, the student again implies this idea by saying, "At just such a fire the Apostle Peter warmed himself," while stretching out his hands to the fire in front of him. The connection of past and future events is further reinforced by the student, who thinks that "if Vasilisa had shed tears, and her daughter had been troubled, (story) had a relation to the present – to both women, to the desolate village, to himself, to all people." This relationship makes the student see "both ends of the chain and when he touches one end the other quivers."

I'm still not sure what exactly the author is trying to say by implying these moral lessons to the readers, but I'm sure that this story cannot certainly be considered as realism. According to Wikipedia, realism in the visual arts and literature is the "general attempt to depict subjects as they are considered to exist in third person objective reality, without embellishment or interpretation and in accordance with secular, empirical rules." Of course, the method that the author uses to unfold the story is realistic and the story overall deals with what real people think of certain values. However, "The Student" does not deal with the "objective reality," which is essential for a piece of work to be realism. Instead, it covers the subjective views of certain group of people, not a real event as it is.

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Metafiction

Dear Mom,

First of all, happy birthday! I'm sorry I wasn't able to celebrate in a fancy restaurant. And thank you so much for sending me to such a wonderful place; my experiences in the Philippines were the greatest things that happened to me.

At first when I opened the white wooden door into a hot, steamy, small, but cozy little room, the room was like a hotel; all the furniture was in a right angled order, and nothing was extraordinary about it. The room was utterly clean, without single dust on the floor, and the bed sheets and towels were neatly folded. Apparently in the Philippines, every household owns several housemaids because of the low personnel expenditure.

"Are you saying that I don't have to do my bed or organize my own desk here? Yay! This is amazing!" I cried out loud in joy after listening to my Ajjuma's (the owner of the house I lived in) explanation.

"Sure. In fact, you'll be in trouble if you ever do these tasks yourself. I have to train my maids since some of them are new here."

Except for the fact that it was extremely hot (the temperature reached over 40 degrees Celsius), the place was a paradise for me. There wasn't anyone to scold me or order me to do this or that. Back at home, I had World War Three with you every day, remember? You always tried to find any flaws that I might have made, 24 hours a day. I was delighted to have gotten out of all that.

One day during the six months of my homestay in the Philippines, I caught a really bad cold, as you already know; I couldn't move at all; my body temperature went up to 40 degrees Celsius, but I was still freezing. I skipped school and stayed in my bed all day. At 1 in the afternoon, my roommate came back from school and turned on the air conditioner. I understood her at first, because she was sweating all over, but after a while, I felt even more terrible with extra coughs.

"Hey Sora, could you turn off the air conditioner? I'm freezing here. Please?" I asked just to be polite since I was quite sure that she would gladly turn it off. It was more than obvious that I caught a bad cold and I needed the air conditioner to be turned off, so her answer was totally unexpected.

"You never consider others, do you? You are so selfish, did you know that? I know that you caught a cold, but I live in this room too, and can't you see I'm sweating like crazy? You should really start to learn to consider others too, you know."

I was infuriated with her, but I had no energy to fight, so I just stayed still and fell asleep. Apparently, my cold got worse.

A few days later, I got better. However, this time it was Sora who caught the cold; she must have gotten infected from me. She lay down all day long. Her coughs went on and I felt the strong need to turn off the air conditioner, but I remembered what she had done to me.

Only God knows why Ajjuma had to come into the room at that moment.

"My God, MinSun! Can't you see that Sora caught a terrible cold? And the cold was from you, remember? Now turn off the air conditioner immediately!"

I knew that it was bad, but I didn't want to do it. I knew it was childish, but I felt that it was unfair. I was 13 years old, at the peak of my puberty, so I was rebellious more than ever; I shouted back at her face as loud as I could. She got so mad that she went downstairs and called you. You and Ajjuma talked for quite some time. I tried to eavesdrop your talk from upstairs, but unfortunately, I couldn't catch a thing.

"MinSun, come down and get your mom's call!" shouted Ajjuma.

"Oh, shit," I uttered to myself, assuming that you would shout at me again. "This is my worst day ever."

With an extremely angered face, Ajjuma handed the phone over to me. I took it. I scowled at her for a moment, looked away, and listened to what the telephone had to say. I kept some distance between the phone and my ear since I expected shouting, when I heard a small crying voice from it. I couldn't believe my ear so I pushed the phone against my ear instantly.

"I know. I know you didn't do it on purpose. I know my own daughter, and she couldn't have done it on evil purpose."

"You do?"

"Of course, I know you have a reason to have done that. But MinSun, sometimes, you have to give in to these situations. You're in a foreign country, and in a house that is not your own. You don't have to explain to me what had happened, nor to Ajjuma. She wouldn't try to understand you. I'm on your side, so just go tell Ajjuma that you're sorry and turn off the air conditioner. That's how you can live your life much easier."

You were crying, so was I. It was the first time that I've heard you cry. It was the first time I realized that you were always on my side. My eyes were full of tears, but I didn't want to cry in front of Ajjuma. I put down the phone and ran upstairs into my bathroom. It felt as if someone was poking and opening up my wounded heart. It hurt, so much. I cried until I felt dehydrated, and opened the bathroom door into my room. Sora was sleeping in her bed, buried in multiple sheets. I quietly turned off the air conditioner, pulled out a piece of paper, and began to write this letter for you.

Love, MinSun

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She looked up from the letter, to me. She didn't shout or anything, but I could tell from her eyes that she was quite surprised to see me sitting right beside her while she was reading my letter. She smiled at me, but she didn't say anything. I wished she would break the silence, but she just smiled at me, which started to make me a little uncomfortable. So I spoke out first.

"If you think of me as a daughter who is always rebellious to your thoughts, I am not anymore. After all the years I've been with you, I finally can see the true purpose of all your nagging and scolding. I simply thought you hated me when you scolded me instead of my sister when we had a fight, and I really thought you hated me. In fact, until this moment, I've considered my family useless by the time I grow up and actually get to live on my own. I remember that night when I came home late.

What had really happened that night was I had watched a movie with my friend after lying to you that I would stay and study. It was late, but I didn't answer your calls on purpose because I didn't want to get caught for watching movies and lying to you. You were so worried about me, so you called everyone, including my best friend who was watching the movie with me, the academy that I was supposed to be in, and the police. When the police called me, it was then when I knew I was in big trouble and blamed you for calling the police and making everything so big a deal. I couldn't understand why you would call the police just because I didn't receive my calls for a couple of hours. When I arrived home, you had tears in your red eyes and I remember you saying something about the importance of family and how I should keep in contact especially at night in this dangerous world. I laughed at you inside.

But now, I know. I finally understand what you've been trying to say. It's my first time that I realize that my family is the only one that is going to stand on my side whatever happens to me."