Norwegian Wood
"Don't judge a book by its
cover."
My great fantastical love with Toru was
torn into pieces as the book proceeded. Throughout the beginning of the book, I
thought Toru kept staring at her as if he was charmed, feeling blissful at
every little part of her and every little act she does. However, I slowly
started to notice that Toru wasn't in love with her; he was just the kind of
guy who is indecisive. He merely lets his friends and lovers come and go, and
lets them do whatever they want with him. To tell the truth, watching him
taking indefinite positions and maintaining vague relationships with all the
girls he meets, Naoko, Midori and Reiko, I actually began to hate him from some
point. If anyone continues to live like this, the twisted relationships will be
entangled even more until it is inevitable to cut all the tangled ropes with scissors.
Gripping
the receiver, I raised my head and turned to see what lay beyond the telephone
booth. Where was I now? I had no idea. No idea at all. Where was this place?
All that flashed into my eyes were the countless shapes of people walking by to
nowhere. Again and again, I called out for Midori from the dead center of this
place that was place.
My comment on "humans are lonely
beings," on the other hand, has not changed since I wrote my last reading
journal. People are born alone, go through numerous relationships to experience
recurrent meetings and farewell, and in the end die alone. Most people,
however, try their best to deny this fact. They continuously look for someone
to stay beside them, miss friends and lovers, and desire to make more friends
wherever they go. Thus, about 99.9% of all the fights and crying that happen
around the world are due to the relationship problems. As such, people do their
best endeavors to prove themselves that they are not lonely animals and therefore
hate to lose their dear friends and families. It's because the fear to be left
alone in this world is the fear that eats away your bones.
I personally think that this is why Naoko
killed herself. Naoko lost her most valuable people in her young age without
even a hint: Her sister and Kizuki both killed themselves. Since Naoko isn't
the narrator of the story, the book does not reflect the detailed feelings of
her. However, my assumption of her thought process is the following.
She would probably feel great resentment
towards two people who had not said anything to her before they killed
themselves. If I were her, I would think, 'Why didn't he tell me anything about
his hardships? Why didn't she talk to me if she was going through too much on
her own? Why didn't she let me share her tears? I told them just about
anything! I never hid anything from
them. How come I didn't know anything? Was I anything to them? Why did I have
to face this horrible agony? Why?' It would be like a house with only two
pillars with the pillars collapsed all at once. I don't exactly know how she
felt then since I've never experienced such pain before, but this is how I
think I would feel.
This is why Naoko kept on requesting checks
for Toru's love. She was scared that Toru would leave her just like everybody
else did. The trauma kept on living in her heart and she was afraid she might
be left alone again. And what was more, she had already experienced the fear of
being left alone. The increasing anxiety led her to the sanatorium and I think
the more secluded life with even less interaction with others made the anxiety
get even worse. Besides, her shock from the kiss with Reiko, other happenings
we don't know, and the final blow, Reiko's words that Toru confessed that he
likes Midori, amplified her fear to great extent to committing suicide in the
end. It is not stated that Reiko had actually told Naoko about the confession,
but I can't think of any other way to explain her death.
Naoko concluded to herself that Toru would
leave her, like all the others. When she faced her death, she was probably
thinking that she couldn't bear the same pain and loneliness all by herself
again, if that moment comes.
