Catcher in the Rye

Back to myself

I left KMLA a month ago. Actually, I was kicked out of it because I exceeded 80 points, the limitation the school said it could ‘take’. All I did was I ordered some chicken when I really wanted to eat some, didn’t clean my room because I was out having a barbecue party, brushed my teeth or ate some squid during the self study time, skipped the morning exercise because nobody woke me up and stuff. I didn’t go to court because I committed a crime; I was just being myself.

Even Mr. Ganse agreed with me. I visited Mr. Ganse just before I left the school, and I immediately started to like him a little bit more because he talked about how much improvement I’ve made throughout my school years, and the school cannot be more stupid to just let me go like this, just because of those penalty points, which is not even important in our lives.

I immediately went to a place where I can learn music, as I’ve always wanted. I’ve wanted to learn music composition, guitar and more piano. I really missed singing all the time and playing the piano. It’s been quite a while since I really enjoyed music itself. I’ve been stressed by all the performances I had to do successfully every time, just for the good of my NAB club.

I could finally learn professional music, by a professional musician, Mrs. Grendell. She is such a nasty person, but a great musician, though. When I first came to this place, she required so much money so that I couldn’t learn from her. I begged her for like a week until she finally accepted me. I think she did that because I was driving her crazy, following everywhere she went, trying to convince her that I was eligible to become her student. Again, she was extremely harsh on me the minute I became her student. Every time I learned a little thing, she scolded me for not knowing it. Her voice was always in maximum volume, probably due to her outstanding singing ability, and with that huge voice, she shouted right into my ears. However, what mattered was not her voice, but the humiliation I got every time she shouted at me. It was always in front of everybody else whenever she scolded me, with the great combination of such hurtful words. Every night, I cried with my face buried in my pillow, for I didn’t want anybody to hear me. But then I comforted myself, telling myself I could someday be a great musician. The same thing happened to me every day, so I eventually got dull with such harsh scoldings.

Yet, I was holding on to my only hope; becoming an international musician, until I heard the news that a selected trainee at SM entertainment, a student of Mrs. Grendell, was excluded from the group she was supposed to join.The reason I was shocked at the news was because she was, in a nutshell, ‘perfect’. She had been a trainee at SM for over 6 years now, and I recognized her as soon as I came in, as the most talented student of Mrs. Grendell. I didn’t understand why she was excluded. She simply had everything; fantastic voice, greatest dancing skills and one of the most beautiful faces I’ve ever seen. She said her boss told her she didn’t have ‘potential’ to succeed in the entertainment world. Well, she didn’t need potential; she already ‘had’ everything! I was infuriated at the news, but at the same time, gave another thought about my future. Until last month, I was in KMLA, the so-called the most prestigious high school in Korea. I was enjoying the school life along with all my extra-curricular activities, got fairly nice GPA, wanting to be a marine biologist. I was working on it, but then I suddenly deviated from my ‘path’, towards music, which I’m not really an expert in. I was an idiot.

Now I realize studying is the easiest way to have a better life in the future, especially if you're not particularly talented in an area that you can kick everybody's asses without much effort, or you would die for working in that area.