Cigarette
Here we go
again. I smell cigarette in this bathroom. This is a public women’s bathroom
that says “NO SMOKING” on every door of each compartment, for God’s sake! I
feel this great urge to yell at her, but I just swallow my anger inside. They
always do this.
Most people
are stupid enough to think that when they’re smoking, they look cool or these
damn cigarettes would just let them get rid of stress instantly. They never
really realize that these cigarettes are actually full of thousands of
extremely fatal substances. Whoever invented the cigarettes should be put into
death penalty right away, because he is responsible for millions of deaths in
England alone.
Now enough
of the crap, I just hold my breath, wash my hands real quick, then swiftly run
out of the “Smoke-filled bathroom,” and exhale deeply. I catch my breath again,
straighten up my shoulders, and head off to my office that says, “Advertisement
Department.” I know everybody envies me for working in this department so early
in my career life, especially when it’s “Calvin Klein,” but I’ve got a problem
here with my boss and my co-worker.
* * *
:::BOSS:::
After
lunch, he sits in his private office staring at the cloudy, dark sky outside
his window, as usual. He thinks he wants to travel to California, where warmth
bundles up under the bright sun, just hating the weather here with all these cloudiness
and rain all the time. Then he looks down on the street, as two drivers fight
in front of the crashed cars. He giggles at the sight, when his employee knocks
and comes in, and he comes back to the reality again. As soon as he encounters
her, he gets all stressed out again, of the work he has to get finished by
today, so he tells her,
“I’ll just head off to the loo for a moment, if you don’t mind,”
“Sure, I’ll show you my ideas on today’s assignment as soon as you come
back.”
God, she’s
a hard worker. She always shows up with such great ideas I can never keep up
with. All she talks about is work and how much she likes her new job. It should
be a good thing to have a person like her around, but all he gets from her is
stress. It’s a sad thing that he can’t fire her for working so hard. He needs her
to keep his job. Every time he sees her, he gets outside for “fresh air” with his other employee, who smokes and talks about work in a far less professional way.
* * *
:::SMOKING COWORKER:::
Yeah! Told
you he likes me better than her. Haha!
You become so excited to spend your private time with the boss again, talking about your ideas on ads. You immediately know what his boss means by “head off to the loo,” he means, “Let’s
go smoke, for god’s sake!” Of course, you are having quite a hard time getting
accustomed to smoking, but you think it’s worth it if you can dominate your boss’s
love. Other than this, you'd love to exclude Sarah in these conversations,
because she is such an ass. She thinks she is the most talented person in the
world, with all those great ideas. Although you admit that she IS talented, you are still not very fond of her.
* * *
:::BOSS:::
Wow, wow,
wow! Haven’t felt this in a long time!
Although it’s only been like a few
hours, he breathes the smoke as if he hadn’t been smoking for years. He closes
his eyes and feels the smoke slightly touching his lung and coming out of it.
This feels
amazing.
His
employee is saying something over the smoke, but he doesn’t hear it. He just
wants to tell him to shut up, but the smoke interferes with him again.
* * *
:::SARAH:::
By “having
a problem,” it’s not that we were having a quarell or anything, but it’s that
they both smoke. Well, THAT I can handle, but I’ve got this feeling that they’re
keep on getting away from me, and it seems like they’re smoking in the smoking
room. Like this morning, for example, as soon as I entered the office, both of
them told me they will just head off to the loo and didn’t come back for half
an hour, finally coming back covered in smoke all over them. At first I was
okay with this, telling myself, ‘Well, they’re just smoking outside together,
that can’t mean anything. They must be having a chat or something. They may get
to be friends, but that can’t interfere with our work, can it? No worries.’
However, it turns out that they were always discussing the ideas on advertising
together, and just make decisions there without me! As I was infuriated as soon
as I became aware of this, I start to develop ways to join this conversation.
A great
idea just flashed across my mind.
* * *
:::SMOKING COWORKER:::
Oh my god,
what’s SHE doing here? Isn’t she supposed to be in the non-smokers’ area? What?
How? What?!?!
You are suddenly aware of your coworker’s presence, and you don't like it. You suddenly
feel danger and ask,
“Hey, what
are you doing here? I thought you didn’t smoke. What’d you come here for?”
“Well, actually
I DO smoke, although it’s been a few months since I tried quitting. I just felt
lonely and gloomy that I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I just decided to smoke
again…”
No, no,
this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be!
You panic, not knowing what to do. She
comes up to her boss and all of a sudden starts talking about the ads trend of
this year, explaining her great ideas. She really is a conversational wizard,
and you could tell by the way your boss was looking at her.
You're doomed.
But then,
she suddenly leaves the smoking room, coughing and all.
* * *
:::SARAH:::
All right,
I’ve got to change my plan. I can’t bear it anymore. I can’t bear the horrible
smoke, these fatal substances going into my lung and poisoning my body. I
thought I could just pretend to be smoking there without breathing in much of
it, but it doesn’t work, no.
Oh, why don’t
I suggest them to quit smoking? I know that my boss is willing to quit if he
can, because he has been complaining about his wife telling him to quit, and
the fact that he actually wants to, but he won’t be able to bear the pain. Why don’t
I help them quit, buy them nicotine patches and other stuff people use to quit.
The next morning,
as I walk into my office, I talk to them very nicely and comfortably, as if a
mom is comforting a child, about quitting it. Quite surprisingly, they agree
with me pretty well. RESULT! Now I don’t have to worry about them making
decisions without me!
* * *
:::BOSS:::
'God, she is
driving me crazy. I want to smoke, all right? I have no intention to quit at
all! Smoking is my life, if it’s gone, I can’t live.'
He has TWO
nicotine patches on his arms, TWO! But still, he imagines himself smoking, in
the pouring rain.
'All right,
I’ve had it enough.'
He casually
slips out of the office, telling everybody he is just going to get a coke from
the vending machine. He sends this signal to his smoker-employee to come with
him, who immediately recognizes it and comes after him.
'Wow… Well,
even if I die from cancer because of my smoking habit, I’m willing to. I’m
willing to devote my body for smoking. I’m miserable and vulnerable, and I need
cigarettes to keep me go on with this horrible life without committing suicide
or causing any trouble.'
He feels
the pleasure deep in his lung, and again, breathes out as much air as he can.
LET'S ALL QUIT SMOKING!