An ode to music

My mom just took my Mp3 player. Her reason is that I listen to songs while I'm studying. 

Yet, people get more attempted to do things they are not allowed to do.

Since I was very young, I especially loved watching movies and singing and listening to songs. I didn't know how to download movies, nor my parents took me to theaters very often, so I had no choice but to choose movies from the ones downloaded by my dad. As for you, music, I had no Mp3 player then and I remember bringing my friend's Mp3 player and my electronic dictionary to an empty classroom, just to record my favorite music into the dictionary. I know it's so embarrassing, but I did, just to get to you.

I guess my dad felt so sorry for me, so he came with an iPod Nano, telling my mom he got it from one of his colleagues to give it to me as my birthday present. Thinking of it right now, after 6 years, I wonder if it really was his colleague who bought it for me? I really doubt that, and I guess my dad was the one who bought it and he was just telling my mom that way to prevent any nagging. 
I wasn't, can't, and will never be able to describe my exact feelings when I grabbed the iPod in my hands. I could literally feel my heart bursting into tears. However, I still wasn't free to listen to your voice then. It was my parents' orders to use the Mp3 only for practicing English. I would have downloaded you by myself, but I didn't know how to, and even if I did, I didn't even have my own computer with my own iTunes.

Thus, I had no choice but to beg my dad to download just four of my favorite of you, the album of Sweetbox. Even though, I was happy then. You were the only origin of my happiness, although my friends thought it was weird to just have 4 of you in a 4-gigabyte Mp3 player. I still remember always having it in my hands wherever I go. I've always wanted to be with you, always, for you made me happy and comfortable whatever my mood is. I was holding it so frequently that my Mp3 player was often mistaken as my cell phone.

By the time I was turning to 6th grade, I had an opportunity to stay in the Philippines for almost a year, and as always, I brought the four you guys with me. I wasn't able to download more of you so I literally listened to your voice for over a thousand times. Later, I came to learned the artist's exact 'ways' of singing and could distinguish points where she vibrates in different levels, where the minute volume changes occur or where she dubbed over her songs, being able to play the songs in my head without actually listening to them through my ears. 

My passion towards music also made me love singing them. However, the only time I could practice singing was when I took shower, because my mom hates music of all kinds. (She said that this music always made her manic, so I asked her if she liked classics then, but she said no.) Because of my mom's hatred towards music, my voice when I sing eventually got smaller and smaller. I still have such small voice when I sing that I had trouble performing on stage at KMLA parties without very nice stage equipment. 

After all those pressure of not being able to sing freely, I finally could practice singing you when I went to the Philippines, for the rooms were usually quite distant from each other. I was crazy about High School Musical that I memorized all lyrics of every one of you in that movie, even though for the majority of the lyrics, I could not understand. At the time, I was really flattered by my roommates' compliments on my singing. It was the first time in my life that I've ever sang a song in front of another person, so I was so glad. Also, I guess that was my first experience to start taking pride of my singing.

While in middle school, I could finally start downloading you. As for me, who has really narrow experience of music, Sweetbox, I couldn't resist the feelings that other songs are utterly unfamiliar. However, that only lasted about a few days. I was beginning to broaden  the range of my favorite artists and became aware that thousands of great songs exist for me.

Slowly, listening to great hit songs and famous songs in the world, my ability to judge music has been heightening exponentially. As I listened to more and more songs, I learned that there are hundreds of genres in music other than ballad, which I'm literally in love with. 
Then, after some time later, I started recording my voice into my computer. At first, all I did was download a karaoke and record my voice while playing them. I also downloaded music scores although they were unreasonably expensive and tried revising my skills. As time went by, my skills on revising recordings were improving, and later I came to learn that recording my voice with earphone plugged in would make my voice sound much clearer. Learning these little details, later I downloaded simple music editing programs and worked on it for a bit.

Afterwards, I downloaded programs that professional songwriters use and learned how to work on it. I recorded, dubbed, harmonized my melody and put effects on my own voice. This whole procedure might be seen as a really bothering job, but it's really fun directly recording my voice, editing, cutting away and pasting in places, doing whatever I want on my own voice! I just do this for my own pleasure so I do not want to show the results to anybody or upload them anywhere.


As you can see, I love you so much that it feels really empty when I don't have my Mp3 in my hands, as if it became a part of my body. I'm not just saying this, it literally feels like there's an empty space that was initially filled. So when I don't have it, I cannot concentrate on my studies or anything. People usually say listening to music while studying is really a bad habit because it will distract you, but I'm the opposite. When I'm listening to it, I can feel myself concentrating 100%. I don't know why, I'm born this way.

Now I'm a huge fan of 2AM and IU. I personally think the real singers among Korean Idols are these people. They can assimilate any genres of music perfectly, so I regard them as best Idol singers in Korea. 
I'm also a big fan of Glee music. It must of necessity be so, since these great singers sing with the greatest hits of the history of music.

Now, I can't stand a day without listening to your voice. You have to hover in my ears if I don't. You are my life.

The Yellow Wallpaper

“The Yellow Wallpaper”

By Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Questions

1. Several times at the beginning of the story, the narrator says such things as “What is one to do?” and “What can one do?” What do these comments refer to? What, if anything, do they suggest about women’s roles at the time the story was written?

-When this story was written, women were thought of as ‘possessions’, not as an individual identity. Their roles were extremely confined to staying in the house, supporting their father or husband and acting in such sophisticated ways. Thus, the narrator kept on repeating, “What is one to do?” and “What can one do?”

2. The narrator says, “I get unreasonably angry with John sometimes”. How unreasonable is her anger at him? What does the fact that she feels it is unreasonable say about her?

- She normally keeps her anger and stuffiness to herself, thinking her husband is only trying to make her ‘better’. She is also convinced that she actually has weakness in her nerves, since her husband, as a physician, always says so. She is unconsciously aware that her husband is the one who is driving her crazy, but her conscious is defying it. Thus, she thinks her anger towards John is unreasonable, thinking that the problem is herself.

3. What do her changing feelings about the wallpaper tell us about the changes in her condition?

- She doesn’t realize what was happening to the wall at first, only noticing something wrong with it. At this point, she doesn’t show much skepticism toward John at first, too. She actually agrees with him that she is psychologically unstable. However, as time goes by, she starts to notice a woman who is caged, blocked by yellow wallpaper, who makes every effort to get out of it, but can’t. This woman, probably representing the narrator, resembles her. The narrator begins to untrust John and his sister Jane, mentioning them as ‘sly’ and ‘pretending’. She, in turn, also starts to use her smart brain to get out of hateful situations and do what she wants.

4. “It is so hard to talk with John about my case, because he is so wise, and because he loves me so”. His wisdom is, to say the least, open to question, but what about his love? Do you think her suffers merely from a failure of perception, or is there a failure of affection as well?

- John fails in both perception and affection. This is inevitable for most men in this period of time since both perception and affection are dependent on culture, society and especially education of the time.

5. Where precisely in the story do you think it becomes clear that she has begun to hallucinate?

- At the point where she sees something moving on the wall.

6.  What does the woman behind the wallpaper represent? Why does the narrator come to identify with her?

- Answered on question 3

7. How ill does the narrator seem at the beginning of the story? How ill does she seem at the end? How do you account for the change in her condition?

- She may have gotten physically better, but not psychologically. She was normal before she met John, I believe, but started to get worse since John’s diagnosis of naming her ‘unstable’. Her imagination became wilder and broader, which made her insane, although this is all John’s fault. John names her unstable and seeks to cure it, but ironically, his faulty ‘diagnosis’ in turn drove her crazy. 

William Blake (1757-1827)

A poet of <The Chimney Sweeper> and <The Sick Rose>, William Blake is a Pre-Romanticism poet who used a theme of conflicts between innocence and experience. (This topic is used by a lot of other artists too, since it's a conflict almost every human go through during their lives. We can also describe whole human history with the theme, especially regarding the Adam's garden.) He also used a lot of biblical symbolism, as he was a extremely devout Christian who never went to church.

The Chimney Sweeper
1789 by William Blake

When my mother died I was very young,
And my father sold me while yet my tongue
Could scarcely cry "'weep! 'weep! 'weep! 'weep!"
So your chimneys I sweep, and in soot I sleep.

There's little Tom Dacre, who cried when his head,
That curled like a lamb, back, was shaved: so I said
"Hush, Tom! never mind it, for when your head's bare
You know that the soot cannot spoil your white hair."

And so he was quiet, and that very night,
As Tom was a-sleeping, he had such a sight!
That thousands of sweepers, Dick, Joe, Ned, and Jack,
Were all of them locked up in coffins of black.

And by came an Angel who had a bright key,
And he opened the coffins and set them all free;
Then down a green plain leaping, laughing, they run,
And wash in a river, and shine in the sun.

Then naked and white, all their bags left behind,
They rise upon clouds and sport in the wind;
And the Angel told Tom, if he'd be a good boy,
He'd have God for his father, and never want (lack) joy.

And so Tom awoke; and we rose in the dark,
And got with our bags and brushed to work.
Though the morning was cold, Tom was happy and warm;
So if all do their duty they need not fear harm.

The Sick Rose

O Rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,
Has found out they bed
Of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.

crimson=새빨간
Rose = has traditionally been a symbol of feminine beauty and love / sensual pleasures.
Bed = a woman's bed as well as a flower bed
crimson joy = suggests the intense pleasure of passionate lovemaking as well as the brilliant beauty of a red flower.
Worm = the woman's secret lover. common symbol or metonymy (환유. 어떤 낱말 대신에 그것을 연상시키는 다른 낱말을 쓰는 비유) for death.

The poem suggests the corruption of innocent but physical love by concealment and deceit.

Because I could not stop for Death

Because I could not stop for Death

-          -Emily Dickenson

Because I could not stop for Death-

He kindly stopped for me-

The Carriage held but just Ourselves-

And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no haste

And I had put away

My labor and my leisure too,

For His Civility-

We passed the School, where Children strove

At Recess – in the Ring-

We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain-

We passed the Setting Sun-

Or rather – He passed Us-

The Dews drew quivering and chill-

For only Gossamer, my Gown-

My Tippet – only Tulle-

We paused before a House that seemed

A Swelling of the Ground-

The Roof was scarcely visible-

The Cornice – in the Ground-

Since then – ‘tis Centuries – and uet

Feels shorter than the Day

I first surmised the Horses’ Heads

Were toward Eternity-

Vocabulary

Dews: 이슬

Tippet: 모피 어깨걸이

Tulle: 실크, 나일론 등으로 망사처럼 짠 천

Gossamer: 아주 가는 거미줄

Cornice: 처마 돌림띠

‘tis: it is

Analysis Paper

‘Because I could not stop for Death’ by Emily Dickenson reflects Emily’s perspective toward the issue of life and death. In the poem, strangely, she does not refuse to go with death nor try to negate the reality that approached her. She seems to be always ready to travel with death, which common people would be terrified of. She even describes Death as ‘kind’ on the second line of first stanza, and thanks Death for putting away ‘my labor and my leisure too, for his civility’ on the second stanza.

This is because of her very special perspective towards death. She had erected her own belief system, just like in a religion. Most religions have their own life and death formulas, such as in Christianity, a heaven and a hell exists, and in Buddhism or Hinduism, people get eternal chances of reborn after death. According to her, death is not the end, but an eternity, which is implied on the last line of the first stanza, ‘And Immortality.’ The carriage here represents her belief system, indicating that when she is with Death, Immortality is always in it.

Along the journey, the carriage passes by three places representing human life, ‘School’, ‘Fields of Gazing Grain’, and the ‘Setting Sun’. These three places symbolize the limitations of human life, as opposed to eternal death. The ‘Recess – in the Ring’ indicates that the recess has ended, the ‘Gazing Grain’ is the ripened grain that will be harvested soon, and the ‘Setting Sun’ will soon disappear from the sky. Emily, Death and Immortality pass by these human life and head for endless journey.

On the fifth stanza, they stop before ‘a House that seemed A Swelling of the Ground’, which we can easily picture as a grave, where dead people’s bodies are laid. However, only her body stays behind, her soul keeps on traveling.

After Centuries later, on the carriage she thinks, that ‘the Horses’ Heads Were toward Eternity.’ Here, the Horses’ Heads indicates her direction, which is the eternity.

Connecting this poem with her biography, Emily Dickenson’s unusual point of view on life and death may have contributed to the way she lived her life, avoiding to meet people, or even going outside. She may have thought her present life as a human was useless and where she really wanted to go may actually be the eternity, along with the Death and the Immortality, like in the poem.

I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud

I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud -William Wordsworth

Analyzing theme: Nature has healing power for loneliness.

I wandered lonely as a cloud

   That floats on high o’er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

   A host, of golden daffodils,

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

   And twinkle on the milky way,

They stretched in never-ending line

   Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

   Out-did the sparkling waves in glee;

A poet could not but be gay,

   In such a jocund company;

I gazed – and gazed – but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

   In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

   Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

                In William Wordsworth’s ‘I wandered lonely as a cloud’, the author describes his thoughts as if writing a journal for himself. Thoughout the poem, he emphasizes the great healing power of the nature, and how it affected himself. The first line of the first stanza indicates his extreme loneliness, for a cloud moves like a snail, not knowing where to go. This lonely sentiment suddenly shatters apart when the author discovers a host of beautiful daffodils that grabbed his attention. The first personification of the daffodils on the last line of the first stanza shows how he is taking the newly discovered daffodils, which is more delicately defined in the latter part of the poem, telling the audience that these flowers became his mates who let him forget his solitude.

After the stunning discovery, the author is getting more and more mesmorized by the brightness and everlastingness of the daffodils. By the third line of the second stanza, all he can see in his eyes is a bunch of daffodils, and he finds these flowers so beautiful that they seem to be ‘stars twinkling in the milky way’ and reach the number of ‘ten thousand at a glance.’ Again, the author personifies the daffodils, describing them as ‘tossing their heads in sprightly dance.’

On the third stanza, the author continues to be impressed and is enjoying the cheerful, swaying daffodils, from which he cannot take his eyes off of. On the next, final stanza, he finally recognizes that his loneliness is recovered by these beautiful daffodils, with his heart filled with the most superb happiness.

It is not explicitly stated in the poem, but it seems like the author had had an epiphany that he needed nobody around whenever he was lonely; he needed nature beside him. A lot of people finds joy and calmness from nature and enjoy it, while others prefer city life as they are more accustomed to it. I personally agree with William as nature is not only more quiet and calm, but it is also more likely to go with the flow, while in cities, everyone endeavors to flow backwards.